Am I Starring in a Bad Porno Movie?
Written: Aug 21 '00 (Updated Aug 21 '00)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Had fun with the Love of my Life! (oh, and snowmobiling)
Cons: Like walking into a bad porno, needs updating.
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| DiamondLynn's Full Review: Pocono Mountains |
~BWAHOW~BWOWWW~BWAHH~BWOW~
My hubby had won a contest at work that awarded him $400.00 for a weekend away. Where to go? Where to go? We pondered.
We thought about a week away at a little isle in the Caribe, but decided to try out something closer to home. (Before any of you leave comments, yes! We are experts at budget travel and you CAN find deals in the Caribbean!) The Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania.
You may have seen the advertisements for the Poconos. In the back of virtually every brides magazine ever published you can find pictures of joyous lovebirds cavorting in private swimming pools! Canoeing on placid lakes (not to be confused with Lake Placid, which is in New York State!) and luxuriating in heart shaped jacuzzis.
Yes! This would be the perfect romantic get-a-way for us!
He called and made the reservations at the Summit Resort. For a long weekend, arriving late Thursday night and checking out on Sunday morning it would be $600.00. This included the Fantasia II suite! The romantic wood burning fireplace! The kinky round bed with canopy and mirrors overhead! The luxurious heart shaped jacuzzi! The sexy steam room! The Swedish sauna! The private swimming pool!! Three full meals a day! Activities!
All this a week before Valentine's Day.
We packed light *giggle* figuring that we would spend a lot of time in the room enjoying its amenities *wink*. We, of course, brought our winter coats and such because even though we grew up in the snow belt, we are both big babies in the cold.
We got there late on Thursday. The lobby was clean with tubular lights swaggering down. You can tell that in its day...THIS was the swingin' place to be!
We paid and got a map to our lovvvvvve shackkkkk!
We parked and ran to our room, both giggling like teenagers.
He turned the key, swept me up in his arms and walked into our palace.
Insert bad porn movie music here: >BWOWWW~BWAHHW~BWOOOW~BWOW~<
Our $200.00 a night suite was exactly as they had promised. There were all the amenities. All done in burnt orange and brown colors. The walls were covered in shag carpeting. The living room had a curved lounge set. The television was on a white plastic egg shaped stand that was popular in the early 70's.
The bed was round...and there were the promised mirrors overhead.
We giggled and shared some tacky porn like phrases while we brought our bags in. We joked about how one of my hubby's friends had told him that there were secret cameras in the mirrors ... and waved and posed, just in case. (This is a joke folks! I have no evidence or belief that there were or were not cameras! Ok??? However; if you ever see an "art" film with two people waving and making silly faces at the beginning? Please send me a copy! *smile*)
Hubby went to light a fire. No wood. He called the desk. They informed us that the only wood allowed in the fireplaces were Duraflame logs that could be purchased at the gift shop for $4.00 each.
Unfortunately, the gift shop was closed for the evening.
Ok, so no fire! Its chilly out, lets take a jacuzzi instead!
OOHHHH...yeahhhhh! Nice hot water! Don't forget to bring your own bubble bath though!
Then off to sauna. MMMMM.. nice sauna. Built for two. A snug two, but two. Very hot! Almost too hot for me, but after all that IS what a sauna is supposed to be.
The sauna sat in a little room off of the pool. The pool sat right next to our round bed, in a little tiny glass-enclosed room. If you look at the website the pool looks exactly like that...but..but..well, the photographer was a GENIUS! The pool is about the size of the average bathroom or so. In the photos it looks like a big pool, but it is just big enough to cuddle in and splash...not big enough to really swim more than one stroke in.
The steam room? Well, that was a stretch. What you really had there was a stand up shower that they called a steam room if you shut the bathroom door. Heck! I have a steam room right in my own home then!!!!
Yawwwn. So much excitement for our first night in the resort. It was time for bed. We crawled into our round orange and brown bed. Hmmm....kinda strange falling asleep while watching yourself in the overhead mirror trying to fall asleep!
It is also a strange feeling (if not a distressing one) watching yourself..um..."sleep" in a large mirror and suddenly realize that your gorgeous 19--year-old body has somehow turned 35 along the way!!!
So, to avoid the large mirror you roll over. MISTAKE! No one has figured out yet how to make sheets for a round bed! What they have is square sheets tucked under as a bottom sheet. This can make rolling over in bed quite dangerous as you never know what various nook or cranny the sheet may end up resting in. It makes for amusing bantor watching your loved one waddle to the bathroom in the night with the bottom sheet tucked in...well..the bottom!
One may even refer to it as a "mood killer".
After a poor nights sleep on the pile of laundry they call a bed you hear a knock on your door. A heated box of breakfast! Served to the room!
We enjoyed our romantic breakfast on the lounge instead of on the bed...I really don't know what happened to the sheet in the night..i think it ended up in the pool! After that we ventured into town to see what it had to offer.
We found many quaint little antique shops, candle shops and craft stores. There were tons of skiing areas around there. We stopped by one little shoo-fly pie stand and discovered they offered sleigh rides.
We took a romantic (and cold!) horse drawn sleigh ride over the streams and through the woods of the Poconos.
We drove by Caesar's and just HAD to stop in to see how they compared. HUGE DIFFERENCE! Modern rooms with nice updated facilities. That is for someone else to review though.
Back to the Summit in time for snowmobiling! This was included in our package. We stopped by the gift shop and shelled out some dough for the Duraflame logs (not smart enough to buy them while we were in town!).
We dressed for dinner and headed up to the main building. Dinners are served family style here. You are required to sit with other couples. I guess they figure, you have all day and night with your lover, you must be sick of them by now. *shrug*
I was a little surprised and disappointed. I happen to like my hubby and was looking forward to a romantic dinner with just him. We were lucky and were seated at a fun table. The food was great...nothing memorable but great.
After dinner we explored the "sports facility". A run down building with a nice and unused pool. A shoddy homemade indoor mini-golf range. Some antique and unusable gym equipment in the workout room. Alot of water damage and sweat-sock smell abounding we ventured up to the gym.
My hubby let me beat him at a game of basketball, he whipped my heiny in tennis and then we both scooted around on our heinys at the indoor icerink.
We soothed our sore bottoms with some cocktails in the lounge where they had a decent comedian and then band. We danced a little, watched other couples dance a little and speculated on their stories, then headed back to the room.
The fireplace worked!! YAY!
I recently found the pictures we had taken of our get-a-way. The room really was as ... seedy...as I remembered it. It didn't matter to us, we like each other and look at all of our travels as mini-adventures. If we were there on a honeymoon or a special anniversary I would have been upset.
If this was a first time get-a-way..or a special one, I would have been disappointed.
The service and food were great. The upkeep was dismal. The rooms were reminiscent of a bad porn movie from the 1970's. The main house facilities were shoddy. The resort has a Ma and Pa feel to it. It really was like walking back in time...I half expected Casey and the Sunshine Band to be playing.
Our weekend was great for us, if not too short..but if you are planning on visiting the Summit..be prepared to "Disco dowwwwn and check out the showwww."
Enjoy.
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Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
DiamondLynn
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Member: Diane
Location: pennsylvania
Reviews written: 55
Trusted by: 51 members
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