Mardi Gras! French Quarter, & Rue Bourbon Street!
Written: Feb 17 '02
|
Product Rating:
|
|
|
Pros: Any Budget, Any Type of Person, Any Time Of Year
Cons: Crowded At Night, Expensive Street Vendors, They Charge for Porta-Potties.
The Bottom Line: Everyone needs to experience Mardi Gras once, if not for the fun in the evening on Bourbon Street, then for the food and the town.
|
|
|
| molotovjester's Full Review: French Quarter |
Statistically, the time you spend in your life doing something worthwhile is very insignificant. Consider the following:
You spend years of your life sleeping. @ 8 hours per day.
You spend twice that working at a job. (but jobs that don't get filed with the IRS don't count. i.e. me pimping your mom)
You will spend approximately only 2 - 3 weeks having sex or foreplay. God...is that IT? (not all of it is memorable or even enjoyable either....)
Because rats reproduce so fast, two rats could populate the city of Detroit in just under 6 months.
73% of all statistics are made up.
You will spend about a month of your life in the bathroom.(almost a third of that time will be due to diarrhea)
Now, considering all that, when it comes time to celebrate a truly special moment in your life, how would you want to spend it? You could blow out 21 candles in front of all your friends, booze it up until you puke at a local bar, Blaze up with your best friends, or if you are a member of the SAC (Christian College in Spring Arbor, now a University), you could get wild and sneak the opposite sex into your dorm room for a game of Taboo!
Answer: None of the Above.
Life is too short. If I can't experience everything this life has to offer, kill me now.
For a special moment in your life, mediocrity will not do.
The only choice to celebrate one's twenty-first birthday is in style, (or in pseudo-jester-like outfit), down in New Orleans at Mardi Gras. Hence begins my story.
Geography:
Roadtrip from Hell or Truckers of Doom
New Orleans, (N'Awlins for the redneck of ya'll), is the city of Louisiana that hosts Mardi Gras. (Pronounced "Marty Graw") Located in the southern reaches of New Orleans, even in the dead of February, it was a pleasant 65 degrees fahrenheit and sunny. At night, the mild breeze brought a slight chill, but nothing that a "$6perbeer-coat" could not fix.
Inconveniently located in the Bullseye of Nothingness, New Orleans is out of the way from any city. Especially Jackson, Michigan. Driving, the scenery does not change through any of the surrounding states, and truckers drive with a vengeance. It is not uncommon to be passed by a trucker while driving at 78 miles per hour. The trip from Michigan was approximately 15 hours.
There are however, plenty of landmarks available for the viewing pleasure of anyone who's time is not worth their weight in magot infested rice.Jackson Square, Louis Armstrong Park, and Riverfront Park all have historical insignificance that would interest only the dullest of travelers, such as my companion. The most worthwhile attractions of history were The Cabildo (sounds like a dirty word - like that thing in your mom's sock drawer), JAX Brewery, a Micro-Brewer, and Preservation Hall, ever infamous for it's musical roots in jazz.
Attractions
Although I'm sure that New Orleans has much more to offer (like the Superdome where the Patriots upset the Rams in the superbowl 20-17), the French Quarter is the place to spend most of your time. Housing, restaurants, entertainment, theme bars, gift shops, pan handlers, unique architecture, and people!
A couple of recommended stops:
Cafe' du Monde - Home of the Beignets (pronounced BIN-YEA)
Cafe Pontalban - Great place to pick up waitresses! And good food too!
French Quarter Chevron Gas Station - Rondevouz for a drunkard and his ride back to the local Best Western.
Club Utopia - The best club to pick up ladies, watch bikini-clad dancers, drink alcohol with (somewhat) reasonable prices or just chill.
Bourbon Street - A deceiving place. Home of nosey tourists and creative pan handlers by day, Temple of drunkards, flashers, swingers and all decadent individuals by night. This is the place where the young tout signs reading "Thank you for pot smoking", and the overzealous bible-pushers on megaphones pronounce your death and banishment to hell. This is where families with children can be entertained during early hours, but where adults will play when the young ones are asleep.
Most of my activity here was spent at dusk, after 8pm. Beads of all kinds, penis-shaped, dice-shaped, Coca-cola beads, beads with jesters, BIG BALLED BEADS, all littered the streets and the necks of males and females alike. Beads are thrown to individuals in appreciation of anything from acknowledgment of a neet™ costume to the exchange for a flash of tits, butt, or vagina. Beads can also be traded for kisses, butt-grabs, or other more creative things.
On Rue Bourbon Street, it is extremely important to watch your money, not so much for pick-pockets (they are out there!), but because everything here will cost you. Need some beads to throw? MR.BEAD Street Vendor Extraordinar' charges $3 for beads that will get you flashed. Kinda hungry from all the walking? $4.25 for a hot dog. Need a water to wash it down? That'll be $2, please. In the mood for a real drink? Try $6 for a 12 oz can of Corona (lime included). Yea, $6, and that's not even the bad part. The bad part is that when you need to stop and use the bathroom, you have to pay. And here is the catch-22. You can pay $3 to use a dirty porta-potty, or spend another $6 on a beer at a bar so they will let you use their facilities (Bathrooms for customers only). The latter option will only require you to do so again at another time, at which point you will be urinating clear, and not coherent as to how much you are paying for your alcohol. Watch your wallet!
During your visit to Bourbon Street, you may also see a celebrity. During my visit, Snoop Dog made an appearance at a Bacardi sponsored balcony. You may also receive free hand-outs of stuff. I received Bacardi shot glasses and boxers with bat emblem present. Other sponsors, such as Captain Morgan may also be available during your visit.
If you are present on "Mardi Gras" (translation - "Fat Tuesday"), then scores of people and freaks in costumes will litter the streets. If you want to participate, but left your costume at home, do what we did: Take the hotel sheets and wrap them in toga fashion around your body. Then have one of the body painters (it's not just for faces anymore!), do a wreath on your head.
Surrounding Streets
The side streets of Bourbon are full of panhandlers who imitate celebrities like Michael Jackson. Other panhandlers are skilled performers. Maybe like a 6 year-old (yes, 6 year-old) tap-dancers, or pseudo-robotic people painted metallic silver. During my stay, I even witnessed a group of break dancers performing very dastardly dance moves! Don't forget to try the infamous Hurricane while you are present. And the deadly drink, "Hand-Grenade", made with Everclear @ 190 proof. Illegal in many states. Also, One-Hour photo development shops are present to develop those pictures you know will not get developed at those places back home.
Lodging
This should be planned in advance. Without reservations, the best I could get was a Best Western 12-Minutes away by Cab. At $90/night though, it was much more preferable than the hotel in the French Quarter for $275/night.Don't try to park in or near the French Quarter - parking spots don't exist. Cabs and shuttles run all night and are generally worth the savings of finding more inexpensive lodging. And if you happen to meet up with someone, maybe you'll be fortunate enough to get to go back to their place...
Food
The cuisine is to die for here. Any of the Cafe's serve great food and coffee, and restaurants are plentiful on the outer-skirts of the French Quarter, more notably "Emmeril's" and "Patrick O' Brian's".
Suggestions
1) There are under-cover police officers.Do not get stupid.
2) Make sure you save cash for the cab home.
3) If an attractive female with a duffel bag approaches and asks your plans for the night - it is not because she thinks your a sexy guy.
4) Go Ape Wild! You are there to have fun! Lose your inhibitions!
5) Argue with the Bible-Pushers with megaphones. It is customary and sport.
6) If you get stuck in the middle of the street with too many people and no moving room - wait it out. Attempting to shove will get your head planted into the pavement.
7) Don't go with someone who doesn't know how to have a good time.
8) Don't take someone who gets jealous easily.
9) Take a statistics class sometime in your life.
Mardi Gras was a blast! I'll see you there next year!
A special "Thank You" to all of you who made my 21st the best week of my life! Even the CheeseBurger, Shadow_Dream!
Ike
Recommended:
Yes
Best Suited For: Friends
Best Time to Travel Here: Anytime
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
molotovjester
|
|
Member: I W
Location: Michigan
Reviews written: 5
Trusted by: 7 members
|
|
|
- Add to My Yahoo!: 
- Add to Google Homepage: 
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.