The four of us have taken our seats and are waiting for the previews to start up, when two older couples who probably purchased tickets using the theatre's senior discount entered the room. As we began to snicker, they came and sat down only one seat away. The jokes of heart failure commenced. We laughed and commented, hoping they wouldn't hear us. But come on... these people were far out of the movie's target audience. Do these people have any idea what this movie is about?

Five minutes into the picture, they left. This was the funniest part of this movie (or rather, this movie-going experience).

The "plot" (yes, quotations are necessary) focuses around a 28-year-old slacker named Gordy (Tom Green). He moves from Oregon to Hollywood to work at a cheese sandwich factory while trying to get his cartoons picked up for an animated series. A series of lies gains him a tip as to where the big boss can be reached, and when he finds them... he gets told his sketches make no sense (much like this movie).

So Tom moves back home to his parents basement, much to his father's dismay. He skateboards (if Tom Green is truly doing all this skateboarding himself, I am impressed). He builds a skateramp. He listens to good music (I caught a glimpse of a Descendents sticker in his bedroom during one scene). But mostly he just does really random, stupid, and sometime horribly disgusting things such as:

Masturbates a Horse
It was a bit disturbing to say the least. Later on, we also see two horses having sex. And you thought the Discovery Channel was bad.

Finds a Girlfriend
She's handicapped. She's a part-time rocket scientist, working on inventing a rocket-powered wheelchair. She wants nothing more than to have Gordy beat her non-functioning legs with a big stick, and to give Gordy oral pleasure. Lovely.

Makes a Sausage Pully System Thing
Gordy's girlfriend suggests eating and playing music while he works on his sketches, so that it doesn't seem so much like work. So Gordy hooks up an elaborate system that has sausages on strings that run to his fingers, so they dance when he plays a keyboard.

Makes Out with a Flesh Wound
A friend breaks his leg severely while skateboarding on Gordy's homemade halfpipe. Gordy licks the wound rather affectionately.

Rats Out His Dad
Gordy tells a therapist that his dad fingered his younger brother. The younger brother (who is 25) gets sent to a special home for molested children. The incident, of course, never really occurred.

Changes His Mother
Gordy suggests that his mother leave his father, and find famous people to sleep with. Later we see her in bed with Shaq (at least I think it's Shaq... I'm not a big sports fan).

Masturbates an Elephant
Quite similar to the horse scene, except the elephant explodes in ecstasy all over Gordy's father. Yum.

The best part of the movie comes after Gordy sells his sketches to become an animated cartoon, entitled "Zebras in America." These half-human, half-zebras have disfunctional family issues, just like everyone else... except they're half zebra. We get to see a 2-minute short of this cartoon, which is incredibly stupid, but in the silly amusing way that I had hoped the entire movie would be. They should make an hour long movie of Zebras in America. I would see that.

If you're under 18... I wish you luck on seeing this one. My friends and I (all 20 and 21) were all carded to buy tickets at the ticket office, and then *again* carded when going to the theatre. None of us look 16. And good luck convincing someone's parent to accompany you in the theatre!

Save your money, kiddos. If you really want animal porn, you could just stay home. It's all over the internet for free!


Recommended:
No