Congratulations to the producers of "It's Pat The Movie". You have done what I thought would be impossible. You have made Bio-Dome look like a masterpiece.

In my review of the latter movie I observed that having your fingernails pulled out one by one would not be as painful as watching Bio-Dome. Well if you try to watch "It's Pat The Movie" I guarantee you will soon be running into the kitchen, sticking your head in the oven and turning on the gas.

"It's Pat" is the biggest, most worthless piece of horse manure ever put on film!

To try to offer a plot synopsis would be pointless with this film. Most people who have seen at least one of the Pat skits on Saturday Night Live will already know what is going to happen. For those who haven't, some brief background info. Pat is an androgynous character whom nobody knows the gender of. Is Pat a man or woman? He/she is played by a woman (Julia Sweeney) and in the movie has a significant other who is a man (Dave Foley of "Newsradio" and "A Bugs Life"). So it's my guess that Pat is either a woman or a transvestite.

The bulk of the movie is focused on trying to discover Pat's true gender. That's an idea that may work in a 10-minute skit if done well. But it's an awfully small one to carry a 72-minute movie. And yes that is a short time. But here the 72 minutes feel like 72 hours.

It's Pat is supposed to be a comedy. Apparently the producers have a different definition of comedy than I do because I never laughed once. A better section for this one would be tearjerkers because it will bring tears of pain out of you.

Actually I might have to take back what I said about this movie earlier in the review because it is not totally worthless. There is a good use for this movie. It can be used as a weapon against crime.

Judge: This is the third time I have seen you in this courtroom. I'm going to have to impose the maximum sentence on you. I hereby sentence you to watch It’s Pat The Movie!!

Criminal: No!! No!! Send me to the chair!!!

If our courts did that, the crime rate would go down drastically. For the rest of us, there is no reason to subject ourselves to this torture.

Thank you to Kris-Kochanski & dantesguide for hosting the "Kill me now Write-Off" and to MrReevolution for sticking me with this movie.

All participants in the write-off:

Kris-Kochanski & dantesguide, abazur & kung_fu_chimp, destinys-child & phineaskc, mrreevolution & Yours truly, mattels & kuuleimomi, matt_harney & cartman_2k, james23 & soothsayer, psychovant & telynor, tibullus & cjrmen12, d.markusen & bigmatt, three_ster & mrsnormanmaine, sampo24 & purplewiz.

Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age