Hey! You could polka someone's eye out doing that!
Written: May 12 '01 (Updated Apr 04 '03)
Product Rating:
Pros: Some of Weird Al's funniest and most accurate impersonations of popular songs.
Cons: As usual, some "Weird Al originals" get old rather quickly.
The Bottom Line: Scissors retains its playability for quite a while, once you learn to program out a few so-so originals. It still makes me laugh to this day.
divad23's Full Review: Running With Scissors by Weird Al Yankovic
At first, I wasn't quite sure what to think when my girlfriend got me this CD for Christmas. I had heard a few of the parodies featured on this album, and found them amusing, as I did with most of Weird Al Yankovic's stuff from over the years, but I had heard that his albums were inconsistent - that is, in between the parodies, when Weird Al went out on his own to create an "original" humor song, a lot of them failed to measure up to the parodies. So, was I really going to like his newest album, Running with Scissors, in its entirety? More importantly, would the humor wear off after five or six listens?
Well, a year and half later, both answers are no. There are a few duds on this CD, but for the most part, I'm still marveling at Weird Al's genius every time I pop this album in. Now, I've heard all the classic parodies, from modern stuff like "Amish Paradise" (Coolio's "Gangsta Paradise") and "Smells Like Nirvana" (Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit") way back to the olden days of "Eat It" (Michael Jackson's "Beat It") and "Another One Rides the Bus" (Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust"). One thing I've noticed is that as Weird Al has gained popularity (and what warped individuals the rabid Weird Al groupies must be!), he's had an increasingly better budget, and more of a knack for doing spot-on impersonations of the singers he's aping. Back him up with the right musicians and producers, and you've got parodies that are as musically enjoyable as the originals (if not more, in some rare cases). That's more than I can say for some of the weirdness floating around on Napster such as "Livin' la Vida Yoda", "Make My Boobies One More Size" and "What If God Smoked Cannibus", etc., which are amusing but wrongly attributed to Weird Al. He can be gross at times, and he definitely chooses absurd subjects to write songs about, but I've gotta hand it to Al - he keeps it pretty clean, compared to most comedians these days.
The Saga Begins My, my, this here Anakin guy/Maybe Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry/He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye/Sayin' soon I'm gonna be a Jedi...
The album starts off on a slow, but epic note with this instant classic - a parody of Don McLean's "American Pie" that serves as the Cliff's Notes for Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. Al has mentioned that it he once considered doing "Pretty Fly (for a Jedi)", but he felt the need to parody a more timeless song when writing about Star Wars, and it seemed to be fate that both "American Pie" and the intro to Star Wars began with "A long, long time ago." This version doesn't have as many verses as the McLean original, but it still runs over five hilarious minutes. It's told from the point of view of the young Obi-Wan Kanobi, and includes such clever lines as "Yoda sensed in him much fear/And Qui-Gon said, 'Now, listen here/Just stick it in your pointy ear/I still will teach this boy." I'd much rather hear this than the awful, wretched remake Madonna did of "American Pie" last year, that's for sure.
My Baby's in Love with Eddie Vedder She thinks the way he grinds his molars is really sexy/She thinks he's so darn dysfunctional and Generation X-y...
The first of the "Weird Al Originals" on this album, this is a faster tune dominated by the accordion, resembling one of Al's infamous polkas, without the mish-mash of pop radio tunes (we'll get to that later). I get the feeling that Weird Al picked this style on purpose just to be dorky, to further illustrate the differences between himself and the aforementioned lead singer of Pearl Jam for whom he's being dumped. The lyrics to this song are really quite clever, even if the music is somewhat forgettable, making clever references to Eddie Vedder's "sullen demeanor" and other mannerisms. The only drawback is that if by some chance you don't know who Eddie Vedder is, the song seems a bit random (I had a friend who was very perplexed by this). Still, the crowning achievement of the song is how Al chooses to get back at his ex-girlfriend (but I won't ruin that for you).
Pretty Fly (for a Rabbi) So grab your yarmulkas and hey, hey, do that Hebrew thing...
Now we see why it was a good move for Al to choose a different song for his Star Wars parody... he managed to get a completely different subject out of the Offspring's "Pretty Fly (for a White Guy)", which is not far from being a parody in and of itself! Out of all the impressions I've heard Weird Al do, his imitation of the Offspring's lead singer here is definitely one of his best - he gets that raspy, bratty, punk voice down perfectly. Once again, by comparing the parody to the original, you really appreciate how closely Weird Al tries to follow the lyrical structure of a song. The only drawbacks here are the Jewish/Yiddish words interspersed throughout the song - kind of an inside joke if you're not from that background. Of course, only Jews can get away with poking fun at other Jews, and this tune is incredibly funny without degrading the culture or the religion.
The Weird Al Show Theme Oh, this is a story about a guy named Al/Who lived in the sewer with his hamster pal...
Hmmm... I wonder if that "hamster pal" is Harvey, from the cute little 20-second song off of one of Al's older albums. In any case, this song isn't all that long in itself - about a minute and a half. Apparently it was an actual theme song for his TV show, but I don't know if it ever actually aired (if it did, it must not have done well). It has a bit of a wacky, kid's show kind of feel to it, complete with high-pitched voices that sound like Al inhaled helium or something. It can be annoying at times, but it's funny in its randomness, and hey, it's short enough that by the time you think to skip it, it'll be over soon anyway.
Jerry Springer It's been three days since the bitter feud/Between the KKK and the gay Jewish black dude...
Once again, Weird Al knows a song that's begging to be spoofed when he hears it. The original tune, "One Week" by the Barenaked Ladies (who have only recently strayed from their novelty/comedy band roots), is one heck of a fun ride from start to finish, with its rapid-fire, white-boy rap-style vocals that hit more pop culture references that you would think possible in three minutes. Weird Al one-ups the Ladies here by sprinkling exaggerated trailer trash headlines that don't sound too far off-base from the kind of people that really end up on the Jerry Springer show. The lyrics are a bit hard to follow at first, but that may be part of the genius of both Weird Al and the Barenaked Ladies - the catchy tune keeps you coming back for more, and quite often, you hear a funny line that hadn't registered before. I could go on forever quoting great lines from this song - one that always cracks me up is "They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly/They have a history of ripping off their shirts", which very cleverly plays off of a great line from the original "One Week". I'll stop there. Even if you don't buy this album, you must hear this song.
Germs What do they want from me/What'll they do to me/There's no escape from me/I'm covered with microscopic bacteria...
I'm not sure if I can classify this as a straight song parody or not. It borrows quite liberally from Nine Inch Nails' infamous hit "Closer", but Weird Al's lyrics don't follow the pattern of Trent Reznor's. The attitude of NIN is somewhat present here, because the song is all about being paranoid about the millions of germs that are invisible to the naked eye. The measures that Weird Al goes to in order to destroy them are somewhat amusing, but I'm left with the feeling that this could have been a lot funnier. (I actually found a demo of his on Napster which was entitled "I Want to Walk You Like an Animal" - I would've liked to see him complete that thought instead, because it was a little "closer" to the original.) It is definitely amusing at the end when everything falls away except for that sole creepy keyboard.
Polka Power!
Well, quoting a lyric from this song would simply mean quoting a lyric from any number of hit singles from 1998 and 1999. This is the latest installment of the beloved polka, where Al uses pretty much the same cheesy music on each album to tie together a number of disparate (and often overplayed) songs that have recently been popular radio hits. It starts off with a rather amusing rapid-fire delivery of "Wanna Be" by the Spice Girls (once again, a parody in and of themselves), and segues from there into Harvey Danger's "Flagpole Sitta" (you know, I'm not sick, but I'm not well...), and then "Ghetto Superstar" by Pras Michel, and so on. I won't ruin the whole thing for you, but the odd transitions between songs will keep you laughing and trying to remember who sang the originals. One of the best transitions is definitely Marilyn Manson's "Dope Show" leading into Hanson's "Mmmmbop". Just don't read the lyric sheet before you listen - it'll give everything away.
Your Horoscope for Today Taurus! You will never find true happiness! Whatcha gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up to a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep...
This is an interesting original, taking on the guise of a ska song (Weird Al hit it right at the tale end of the craze, I think). It runs through each sign of the Zodiac, giving everyone a depressing and sometimes morbid outlook for their day. Most of them are amusing, a few are just plain gross, but it's still a funny and enjoyable song. The bridge takes the cake, where Weird Al very nearly runs out of breath rattling off the reasons why horoscopes must be true before jumping back in to the last few predictions, but the chorus is rather boring - just "That's your horoscope for today" repeated over and over.
It's All About the Pentiums Whatcha wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code-crackers? Slackers? Wastin' time with all the chat-room yakkers? 9 to 5 chillin' at Hewlett-Packard? WHAT?
Hands down, this is the funniest song on the album, for several reasons. First of all, anyone who has the guts to parody Puff Daddy ("It's All About the Benjamins") is the man (though Weird Al was nice and got explicit permission, so he wouldn't get into another dispute like he did with Coolio). Second of all, anyone who can cram this much computer lingo into a rap song is also the man. (I work in web design; I'm a little biased.) This is one song where the power of exaggeration works wonders for Al's sense of humor, because everyone knows that computer geeks are always bragging about how many gigs they have, how fast their processors are, et cetera. This fits in perfectly with the show-off mentality of most modern hip-hop, making for a downright hilarious song. I have this whole thing memorized, and it still makes me laugh. Once again, I have to restrain myself from quoting every funny line. It actually worked for Weird Al to stray from Puffy and company's rather loose rapping in the original to stick to a tighter format - each line comes off with a lot more punch that way. One of Weird Al's best successions of rhymes is found here: "Hey fella/I bet you're still living in your parents' cellar/Downloading pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar/And posting 'Me too!' like some brain-dead AOL-er/I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller/You're just about as useless as JPG's to Helen Keller."
Truck Driving Song Rolling down the highway until the break of dawn/I'm driving a truck with my high heels on...
Okay, Al, we get it. You're a transvestite. Don't get me wrong - the sudden shift from rap to country is sheer brilliance, and the fact that Weird Al can pull off such a low voice is amazing, but this song gives away its punchline far too soon, and then it just continues with one-liners about rather kinky women's clothing. Not one of my favorites, but not bad as filler goes. It probably would have been funnier had he parodied a real country song.
Grapefruit Diet Well, I used to live on chocolate sauce/Made sumo wrestlers look like Kate Moss...
Well, we knew Weird Al had to skewer the swing craze at some point. And a group with the name Cherry Poppin' Daddies is just begging to be made fun of (this of course being a parody of their hit song "Zoot Suit Riot"). The theme is basically a retread of what Al did to Michael Jackson's "Bad" when he turned it into "Fat". I wasn't all that familiar with the lyrics to the original, and I have to say, I appreciated this a lot more when I went back and listened to "Zoot Suit Riot", realizing that "Who's real flabby?" matched up with "Who's your daddy?" Also notable is the fact that Weird Al turns the scat singing in the bridge of the original into real words - that's key in a parody song, because you've got to get as many lyrics in there as you can. It's funny, but not as much as the other parodies on this album - probably because food is becoming a tired theme for Weird Al.
Albuquerque
Sheesh. This song is so ridiculously long that they couldn't even fit the lyrics on the sheet. It's basically an out-of-control rock tune about Weird Al's random and pathetic existence, and how the highlight of his life was winning a one-way bus ticket to Albuquerque. This song defines the word "random", I think, because most of it is Weird Al talking on and on, and the humor in it is wondering where he'll take it next. It's basically a stand-up routine set to music, and the whole point to the song is that there is no point. It has its funny moments that catch you off guard, but you're basically left wondering, "When is this going to end?" Some consider this song to be the funniest thing on the album - I find parts of it to be a tad disturbing, but that's just different senses of humor. Be warned - it's about eleven minutes long, and it doesn't exactly beg you to hit the repeat button. Might be good for getting rid of party guests who stay too late...
Despite a few misfired attempts at being funny (remember, being random isn't always funny, especially if you're Tom Green), this album is mostly a winner, and a good way to spice up an otherwise serious CD collection. Compared to the rampant vulgarity found on most comedy CD's (stand-up acts like Adam Sandler or novelty bands like The Bloodhound Gang), Weird Al is practically the pope. Still, I'd be careful not to play "Jerry Springer" around kids who are too young to understand what he's singing about. Then again, I wouldn't let those same kids watch TV unattended. (Oh yeah, "Can't Watch This", that's another Weird Al classic...)
TRACK REVIEW SUMMARY Excellent: It's All About the Pentiums, Jerry Springer, The Saga Begins, Pretty Fly (for a Rabbi), Polka Power!
Good: Germs, Your Horoscope for Today
Decent: My Baby's in Love with Eddie Vedder, The Weird Al Show Theme, Truck Driving Song, Grapefruit Diet
Weak: Albuquerque
Skippable: NONE
Weird Al's Band is:
"Weird Al" Yankovic: Lead vocals, keyboards, accordion
Jim West: Guitars, banjo, background vocals
Steve Jay: Bass, background vocals
Jon "Bermuda" Schwartz: Drums, percussion, background vocals
(And a host of other players here and there)
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