It Zucks!
Written: Mar 02 '01 (Updated Mar 02 '01)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: It'll die out one day.
Cons: Bottled trash.
The Bottom Line: Brothers and sisters! Let's stand together and eliminate this kind of evil from our society!
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| stinky138's Full Review: Zima |
Get that stuff away from me! If I wanted a damn bottle of Sprite, I'd go to the store and get damn bottle of Sprite! You can go to hell!
-- Typical reaction from Stinky 138 when presented with Zima
Some of the worst things to be introduced to the United States have followed a simple suggestion -- "Let's make something that women will like!" I can see the corporate weasels right after declaring that would be a good idea. I see a table full of white, middle-aged men trying to come up with products that will please women. I can see them brainstorming. I can see them making suggestions. I can see them coming up with dreadful things to torture Americans with.
Those dolts, I'm certain, are responsible for a lot of things I hate. They've unleashed these products on us because they think that women will just adore those things and just love those items. They've introduced such dreadful things as minivans, soccer, Marlboro Ultra Lights, Bill Clinton, Grace Under Fire, the Honda Accord and wine coolers. And Zima. Oh, let's not forget Zima. The ultimate in girly drinks. Women ought to be mad as hell that some fools think this is the kind of slop that feminine types will just love.
Here we have another trash brew that some thought would be gobbled up because it doesn't have any alcohol taste to it. It's light! It's bubbly! It's sweet! It's fun! It's also garbage that's drunk by people who don't know any better and high school kids who think they're cool because they've got alcohol. Adults and people with taste buds need to either stay away from this junk or stop drinking completely.
Zima is nothing more than bad malt liquor that tastes like a bottle of Sprite. Who wants to guzzle a brew that tastes like a soft drink? I suppose the kicker here is that Zima has alcohol in it, but it doesn't taste like it. So, this is for people who don't like liquor but want to get drunk? Is that the plan? Huh? Is it? That's just sad.
And, let's talk about sweet. My God but this stuff is sweet! It's plenty sweet to cover up that nasty taste of alcohol, I guess, and it's pretty darn offensive. When I tried a bottle of Zima, I felt like my teeth were about to rot out of my head if I didn't rush off and brush them immediately.
I even hate the ad campaigns for this junk, as they promote it like a bottle of Sprite. We're told it's refreshing and a great thing to drink while out dancing like fools and working up a sweat. So, let's see. I'm hot. I'm dehyrdated. And I'm going to drink something with alcohol in it? That's stupid.
Now, there are some foods that go with this. They're all highly-sugared foods that give you a headache if you eat them too fast. Try Zima with those little candy hearts that show up around Valentine's day, a dozen donuts or an economy pack of chocolate bars.
One thing that has me convinced that the Zima folks are trying to take over the country is that this stuff is available everywhere. You can find it in the local bar, at the liquor store and in grocery stores. It even comes in the convenient, 22-ounce "mini road pop" size for the drunkard on the go. It's infiltrated society. It must be stopped.
If you want to make a difference in this world, go on an anti-Zima campaign to rid society of this evil, fizzing drink once and for all. If you see someone in a bar drinking it, make fun of that person. If a friend show's up at your house with it, throw that person out of your home or sic you dog on him/her. If one of your adult children is drinking it, threaten to cut that child out of your will. This is called tough love. It might seem a bit cruel, but that behavior could lead to very positive results. Namely, a sag in sales of Zima and it's eventual elimination from the shelves of liquor stores across the nation. It's a long road, but the goal of total Zima elimination can be reached if we travel the path together.
Avoid this fizzy, miserable little brew. If you're a woman, boycott it. The folks behind this junk think you're stupid.
Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
stinky138
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Location: Southern U.S.
Reviews written: 9
Trusted by: 0 members
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