Versailles: Cuban Food That Might Give You the Winds Somethin' Fierce
Written: Apr 11 '01 (Updated Mar 14 '03)
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Pros: The Chicken in Yellow rice is the best lunch deal in L.A.
Cons: Flan is bad, and bad for you.
The Bottom Line: Versailles is one of the best lunch or casual dinner places in Los Angeles, and one of a small handful of authentic Cuban restaurants on the West Coast.
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| Mr.Eyore's Full Review: Versailles Restaurant |
As far as I know, there are three Versailles restaurants in Los Angeles: one on Venice near the Mar Vista/ Palms neighborhood; one on La Cienega, just outside Beverly Hills; and one on Ventura around Encino or Tarzana.[1] I've been to all three. They can be relied upon to serve the same quality food with the same service at all of them, and the food is out of this world.
The Now Standard Preceding Segue
When I was a foolish young man, living in Venice Beach with the disowned daughter of an Iran-Contra scandal defendant, she and I used to spend our evenings out on the sand, drinking Tequila out of gallon sized bottles with artsy but untalented homeless folks. One of these was a handsome Cuban con man and aspiring porn star who claimed to have Cosa Nostra connections. I have no idea if he really was mafiosi, but I know he had a shot at the porn thing, because he had a unit "the size of an Aquanet can" according to my step-sister, who spent an evening breaking 4 slats of my futon frame with the boy. I also know he had money coming from somewhere, because he bought my girlfriend a leather jacket and was always offering me cash to take my family out to eat. Finally, I know he was Cuban, because he took us to Versailles, ordered in Cuban Spanish, and managed to create a meal for us that was twice as good as anything I had previously tasted at a restaurant I was already in love with. The food came on four or five plates, and he ignored their intended presentation by taking to it with knife and sauces and plates and built for us three bowls of some sort of magical, stewey concoction that I know I will never have again. But at least I can still have the rest of what Versailles has to offer.
The Food
Versailles offers traditional and legitimate Cuban cuisine at near fast food prices. Typically, dishes come with bread and black beans and sometimes rice. And they have everything from a gamey ox tail soup to thin pounded beefsteak and onions.
But the thing Versailles is famous for – the thing people wait in 20 minute lunch lines for at their Venice location – is the Pollo con Arroz Amarillo (chicken and yellow rice). At $6.95 the last time I was there, I believe it may be the best lunch bargain in all of Los Angeles. This dish features a half chicken that's been roasting for hours in a fragrant steam bath until it's so soft it's pointless to try to pick it up by one of the bones, because the meat will fall away into the pile of delicious rice before you get it anywhere near your mouth. The rice is a saffron yellow and is dotted with fresh peas and what appear to be pimentos. My advice is to spend an extra dollar on a cup of their garlic sauce and mix it in with the rice. Pull those bones out, cut up the chicken into smaller bite sized pieces and start spooning the whole thing down your gullet. Even better, get a side of those black beans, load ‘em down with some tabasco, and mix that whole concoction in with the rest of it. We're up to, like, nine bucks now. It's a bargain at twice the price.
Another of the fine dishes that Versailles serves is their garlic shrimp, which is about eight medium sized pealed prawns on a plate with rice and black beans served with a cup of their incredible unearthly orange-yellow garlic sauce. If I remember correctly, the dish costs less than $10.00. You won't get stuffed from it, but by the time you're finished, you'll be so garlic-buttered up, you'd be risking illness by eating any more anyhow.
Everyone seems to talk about the roasted garlic chicken ($6.95)as though that was the dish people come flocking for. Yeah, the chicken is great. Yeah, the garlic sauce is awesome. But I still say the chicken in yellow rice is the thing to get. You can get garlic chicken any place you go. Skip it here.
[Alright. I'm an idiot, and I'm editing this here review to point that out. I was just in L.A. again and went to Versailles late at night and they had run out of the chicken and yellow rice, so I ordered the Garlic Chicken. It's amazing. The very large half chicken is crispy even though it's drowning in their "mojo garlic sauce" which is lemony and garlicky, and impossible to eat without sucking on every last bit of bone and skin, and it comes with black beans and white rice and onions and fried plantains ... it's a hell of a meal. But I still ordered a side of yellow rice to go with it. Um, and I went back the next day to get the same thing again]
On a recent trip back, someone convinced me to try their pork somethingorother. It was as tender as the best duck confit I've ever tasted, and every bit as delicious as the Chicken in Yellow Rice.
Let's take a moment to talk about flan, okay?
Flan sucks. I don't care how creamy, caramelly, perfectly textured, this version of flan is. It's still flan and there's no getting around the fact that flan sucks. It wants to be creme brulee, but it also wants to be something that Bill Cosby stopped being a shill for about 8 years ago. It's a glorified jell-o mold. It's gelatinous pudding. It's to be ignored if you know what's good for you. Like all Cuban, Mexican, Salvodoran, Guatemalan, Belizean restaurants in the world, Versailles serves flan and things with coconut. And like all restaurants serving a cuisine from Latin America, your best bet is to skip dessert. You've probably got fried plantains on your plate anyway. Call it "bananas foster" and be done with it.
Bambaleyo-Bambaleyo
No, I don't have any idea what that means or why I wrote it right there as a heading thing. I just know that whenever I walk into Versailles' Venice Boulevard location, I want to start singing that song by the Gypsy Kings. I mean, the place is really just a glorified cafeteria: big rectangular room and a long formica counter. But they have some festive looking murals and lots and lots of Cubans, which sometimes means festive looking shirts. Also, they sometimes have Jimmy Smits, which can be sorta festive, if you're into Jimmy Smits.
Versailles is also nice because it's one of those flexible places that is suitable for all types of meals. It's a great cheap date place. Fantastic for large groups of friends or family. It can be a special occasion spot or a casual drop-in kinda place. It can be loud, but not so loud that you can't enjoy a conversation in a large group without screaming.
Beyond that, there's nothing particularly wonderful about the decor of the Venice Versailles. The La Cienega and Valley locations are even less remarkable. You know, it's a room, chairs and whatnot. Plenty comfortable.
Some goes for the service. The host, waiters and waitresses are always friendly and efficient, and knowledgeable about the offerings. Given how busy all of the Versailles' sometimes get, I suppose they deserve a coupla thumbs up for maintaining their composure and efficiency.
They get two more thumbs up for the food, plus one for Jimmy Smits, minus a half thumb for serving flan. So that's, like, almost a whole hand worth of thumbs. Try it.
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[1] Epinions claims that there's another one in Manhattan beach. But outdoorsy blondes frieghten me, so I have't vetured down there to verify whether or not this is true.
Recommended:
Yes
Kid Friendliness: Yes
Vegetarian Friendly: Yes
Best Suited For: Friends
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Epinions.com ID:
Mr.Eyore
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Reviews written: 129
Trusted by: 301 members
About Me:
I come for the pervasive sense of elitist self-importance and semi-witty expressions of faux camaraderie
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