SpookyMonkey's Full Review: Andy Riley - Return Of The Bunny Suicides
A two-parter. How trite.
I'll trite your face with the business end of something that means business, buster.
This review is nothing more than your feeble attempt to bring yourself to ten reviews to scam that ten bucks out of epinions, isn't it?
I'm shocked at your implications! I've written nine quality reviews this month and over a hundred quality reviews in my epinions lifespan. Dost this not deserve some pecuniary compensation post-haste?
Blow it out your moneyhole, monkey. I see what you've done here. Reviewed a book with no words. Again. That's, what - three out of the last ten?
Maybe. No. There's a word on page 44.
No, there isn't.
32?
No.
27?
Nope.
Well, bugger off then.
How moral and adult of you.
Well this review is going to be the antithesis of my previous review. Earlier I was on a pro-bunny-life crusade. Now, in the spirit of the upcoming presidential elections, I'm going to campaign against the right for lagomorphs to live and support the self-destructive artistic movement of said subjects.
So you're going to justify another hundred pages of cartoon rabbit maulings (sans dialogue) with a political statement that's almost as hackneyed as Edward Scissorhands trying to make souffle in a hurry?
..Yes. That thing you just said. Bunnies are a blight upon society. They live to reproduce and destroy the natural environment. They attack the natural habitats of native birds on multiple contents. They live to reproduce, eat and then reproduce some more.
Oh, here we go.
And exactly how is it that rabbits are the symbol of Easter anyway? Is this some kind of fertility statement? Why isn't there a buxom blonde dressed in not e-bloody-nough in a wet tube top bent over an expensive sports car? Does that not provoke images of fertility, or at least the inspiration for practices thereof?
Yes, let's anger not only PETA, but the religious types. That's great. Why don't you just drop trou and urinate all over the eternal flame while you're at it?
Because that would extinguish one more flame used to cook those dastardly animals! They've been made delicious and plentiful, and the human race has been reduced to idolatry in a stupid primitive March bonking festival the purloining of chocolate eggs and inedible baby Jesus!
Andy Riley knows the truth. Rabbits are shamed by their falsified spot on the historical scale. They're a set of long, fuzzy ears away from pornography and their acts are so brutal as to be only depicted by scrawled images and dirty scribblings on white paper. Such guilt over such a false, yet inspired history leads to an inspired death. Rabbits, while evil, do still retain their creative capacity for ending fabulous lives in fabulous style.
So what's your favorite?
I particularly take pleasure in the salination of Sauron's eye courtesy of an angsty bunny and a salt shaker.
Fictitious and crap. Give us a real example.
Fine. Decimation by soda-case-cum-shopping-cart collision. Or cheese grater to the face.
Jesus, Riley's just a sick, sadistic bastard.
Yes, it appears he's mastered his craft in the time between novels. He's expanded the bunny genocide into realms of pop culture and science fiction, as well as exploring more extensive avenues for blowy-uppy wanton destruction.
Wanton destruction is the best kind of destruction.
Never have truer words been spoken. While I can't speak for the senses of humor of the readers, I can say that the book was written for the purpose of rabbit population control, a subject that global naturalists and French chefs alike can truly appreciate. Were it not for this book to inspire the death of many fuzzy cottontails, rabbits may one day rule the world. Is that something you're prepared to deal with?
I, for one, welcome our fuzzy-assed overlords.
Say hello to a diet of carrots and pea-sized droppings. Since therapy and mood-altering psychotropic narcotics have failed to stabilize the rabbit population, they've exploded into hedonistic messes of self-mutilation and villainy. Were it not, once again, for Andy Riley's expertise as the field journalist that he is, we would risk the rise of the bunny empire and the end of the age of humans!
And a steady diet of sexy rabbit bonking.
I suppose hairy love is better than no love at all.
So how do you rank this book?
As a social commentary - abysmal. There's still rabbits everywhere and I've yet to bear witness to the mass lemminglike destruction of the rabbit populous. I know that somewhere, out there, in the great oblivion of carrot pastures and lettuce greens, rabbits fed up with the droll monotony of their lives are lined up at the edges of perilous chasms, contemplating their lives in simplistic bunny thoughts like 'snuffle' and 'eep eeep'. Then they plunge downwards into the abyss, leaving their carcasses for someone with garlic salts and red bliss potatoes.
I've never been this entertained by a wordless $6.95 book review ever.
Well put on your spiffy party hat and enjoy the mucilage, strange internal monologue.
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