In what kind of f'ed up parallel universe are we living in that a record like this by a performer like this gets made? OK, so I loved the TV show, I like Sabbath, I love Ozzy's solo stuff, but this? I shake my head, at once trying to get the confusion out and to show my frustration.
Perhaps the most ironic thing about Kelly Osbourne is that on this album she seems to be about as honest as Britney Spears is about her relationship with Justin. For a girl with so much to say on TV, she sure doesn't seem to have a whole lot to say on this record.
Even worse, the music is a bland mishmash of rock, punk and pop that never gains any steam or creates any kind of interest in the listener. Further, the music isn't exactly the most original stuff in the world. Well hey, I understand that there is very little original in rock these days, and I'm not expecting Kelly to be The Flaming Lips, but I won't settle for the same boring 3 chord rock that everyone else is forcing down my throat either.
What's worse is that a couple of songs take on the whole hot "garage rock" sound of last year. On Your Own kind of has a Strokes type of buzz to it, with its jumpy rhythms and bouncy, buzzing guitars. Meanwhile, Coolhead sounds like a mix of The Vines and The Hives, which, as everyone should know, is a very bad thing.
The first single was the title track, and even though I think the song is crap, I can't help but feel it's actually one of the better songs on the record. It's really one of the only times that Kelly lets her bratty self out to play. With close to every other song, she tries to take on the hardass Donnas persona that she has no hope of pulling off because anyone who's watched her on TV knows she's about as rock and roll as Jessica Simpson.
Which is not to say that there aren't a couple of decent lyrical moments on the record. I actually enjoy Disconnected, and there's just something about the kitschy pop of Too Much of You that I find enjoyable. On that song especially, it would seem Kelly's fandom of Hanson has paid off in some small way.
Perhaps taking pot shots at Kelly and her "musical career" is too easy. But let's face facts here folks: two years ago, she never would've gotten the record deal, or, if she did, she wouldn't have gotten the airplay she has received thus far (which is to say, based on the sales of this record, not much). Kelly is nothing more than a flash in the pan, and she'll be gone pretty soon. I just hope I won't have to watch her cry about it on the next season of The Osbournes.
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