They tried, but they couldn't do it.
Jun 22 '00 (Updated Apr 07 '05)
The Bottom Line It's not for everyone, but sometimes it's the best thing for your child or family.
School, that is. My introduction to homeschooling resulted from my attempts to make school work for my oldest son. He has ADHD. We were luckier than most families - we had that diagnosis when he was only 3.5 years old. Oh, don't get me wrong - I didn't believe it then. I was sure it was a mistake. At least the warning gave me time to figure out what was the best educational option for my son.
Rob also had serious language delays, so we initially enrolled him in the Early Childhood Intervention (special ed) program at a local public elementary school. They did quite well with the language delays, but there were problems. The teachers simply wouldn't listen to me about the need to avoid certain food dyes. He was nearly suspended from the school bus as a result. Once I was able to prove to the bus driver that I could tell what he'd had for snack simply from watching him get off the bus, she joined in pressuring the teacher to change snack time.
The following year, snack time wasn't the problem, but discipline was. Rob had learned that if you cry loud enough, the teacher will let you out of the Time Out chair. Fortunately, the principal wasn't so soft-hearted and we managed not to have him suspended from pre-school.
I wish we could clone his kindergarten teacher. She understood that firm discipline is the beginning of control for kids with ADHD. She understood just how to handle Rob. She was a lifesaver.
When he was in first grade, I finally acknowledged that the school couldn't manage him without medication - and that he couldn't handle it in an unmedicated state. I wish I'd known about homeschooling then. I'm not totally opposed to medicating kids, but I do feel it should be the last possible option.
The rest of his elementary years were a battle. The teachers and principals did the best they knew how. I spent a great deal of time and energy educating them -- providing books and articles, passing on his pediatrician's recommendations, sitting in conferences. This was in a private religious school. His teachers really did try. They cared deeply about my son. They simply weren't equipped to give him the attention he needed.
By the middle of 6th grade, I'd discovered the internet -- and consequently homeschooling. The parents of kids with ADHD who were happiest with their progress had stopped fighting the school system and put their energy into educating their own kids. When I offered this option to Rob, he was delighted. He finished out the year at school as we decided how to approach homeschooling.
My husband was supportive, but not sure we'd made the right choice. Rob's pediatrician wasn't convinced either. Halfway through our first year of homeschooling, both became ardent supporters. THIS was what Rob needed. He became a different child. No longer was he moody and withdrawn - he became much more outgoing and began to actively participate in many outside activities. The joke around here became "he was involved in so much that something had to go -- so I took him out of school"
Rob has a brother 2 years younger. My intention had been to leave him in school. After all, he's my social butterfly and we were afraid he'd be unhappy without his classmates. Danny had different ideas. I'm still not sure what he was thinking, but I'm really glad he opted out of school, too. We discovered that he has dyslexia. He's so bright that he'd managed to get his work done in spite of that, but his reading skills were very poor when I pulled him out of school at the end of 4th grade. I'm still trying to figure out how he hid that from me.
Fortunately, I've done some adult literacy tutoring and my training for that was in the Orton-Gillingham method. In case you're not familiar, that's the program for helping adults with dyslexia. I was able to get Danny up to grade level in reading in a couple of months. We didn't bother to tell him he had dyslexia until he was preparing to register for college courses at age 16. He still reads more slowly than many people and I thought he deserved to know why.
Rob asked us to allow him to return to school for high school. That was a hard choice, because we knew it would be a struggle for him. We also knew it would mean a return to the medication he hated to take. The deciding factor was the way our local high school is structured. The students there take 4 classes at a time - for half the school year - then take 4 more. We hoped that the longer class periods with fewer courses would fit his learning style. It did - something that gave us hope for college, since the structure is similar.
High school was a struggle for Rob. He has a hard time being in large groups for an extended period of time -- especially when those groups are poorly disciplined. Most of his high school teachers kept things under control, a few had difficulty managing their classes. However, during the two years of homeschooling, we had been able to teach him better coping skills. That plus his increasing maturity made the situation manageable for him.
Danny chose a different course. He opted to homeschool high school -- and to enter college under their concurrent enrollment program at age 16. We had discovered that program when Rob was a senior in high school. He quickly discovered that college classes were more enjoyable for him than his high school courses - in large part due to the lack of discipline problems among his college classmates.
There are some interesting parallels. Both boys hate to write - Danny is a little better at it, but I'm not taking any credit for that. Both have an active social life (although Rob's didn't heat up until he got out of high school). Both have earned their black belts in Karate - and continue to study it. Both love to play Warhammer and Rifts.
When I asked them whether they thought I should enroll their younger brother in school this fall, both strongly encouraged me to homeschool him. I am planning to take their advice. Matthew has an incredible drive to learn. He demands that the big people in his life teach him things. Consequently, he's learning phonics, he knows more about dinosaurs and construction equipment than most adults (he plans to dig up dinosaurs and build buildings when he grows up). It is truly exciting to watch him grow and learn. I think he could do well in a classroom - but I firmly believe that he will do better learning at home.
Update It's almost 5 years later, and I don't regret any of the decisions I've made. Rob graduated from college 2 years ago and is employed full time. Dan is enrolled in the paramedic program at our local community college and volunteers with the local volunteer fire department. Matthew is completing 4th grade as a homeschooler. He had learning challenges more significant than either of his brothers, but with the help of the folks at Johns Hopkins, a couple of reading tutors, and a local optometrist for Vision Therapy, he's operating closer and closer to the appropriate grade level. Like his older brothers, he's involved in so many outside activities that school would be a burden. I'm glad we opted out.
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