"Kick In the Door, Waving the Four-Four!" - MadTheory Crashes the Music Mayhem Write-Off!
Sep 05 '02
The Bottom Line Music Mayhem - art and chaos go together like chocolate and peanut butter.
Boom! Well at first I didn’t think I was going to participate in sslabs latest write-off called Music Mayhem, but after seeing some of the questions, I knew I couldn’t pass it up. So I’ve crashed the party, thrown my coat on the bed, winked at your girlfriend, and kicked out the deejay cause I brought my own vinyl, baby!
For those who are unfamiliar with the write-offs authored by the gun-toting future husband of Fiona Apple, the rules are simple. He asks you questions. You answer them. Or else.
- Music celebrity boxing matches -
The match I would like to see most is Ja Rule and DMX vs. the ghost of Tupac. With all the “who’s real and who’s fake” and “who bit whom” crap being slung back and forth between these two, I can’t believe that no ones even pointing out how much these two “artists” stole from Tupac Shakur. I’m not the biggest ‘Pac fan in the world, but I would love nothing more than to see him rise from the dead and place his foot squarely in the backsides of these two phonies.
These songs remind me of these epinions writers
“A Fly Girl” by the Boogie Boys: a classic old skool jam about a foxy chick? It’s gamblinfamily all the way.
“A Long Walk” by Jill Scott: I don’t know, a soulful lady with a lot of spirit just reminds me of cletta1201. I guess I could include chezon too, though she hasn’t written here in a long while.
“I Love Rock & Roll” by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts: This just seems to be the type of track that lambchops might use as an anthem.
- Van Halen or Van "Hagar"? -
I don’t care what anybody says, David Lee Roth and Eddie Van Halen were the only parts of Van Halen that most of us even cared about back in the day. Sammy was just there to fill a gap. A furry placeholder.
- Proof that I'm a music junkie -
I remember always laughing at those old guys who would tearfully tell stories about how their mom threw out their old baseball cards. I’d laugh aloud at the mental image of old June Cleaver going into Billy’s room while he was off at school and tossing some classic Joe DiMaggio, Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, and Babe Ruth down the drain. That image was always hilarious to me.
That is until I came back from school one summer to find boxes and boxes of my old tapes gone. Entire cases of classic Hip-Hop music – Treacherous Three, Grand Wizard Theodore, Spoonie Gee, UTFO, the Get Fresh Crew, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five – just gone. Classic tapes and performances that I’ll never, ever, ever, ever, be able to find again vanished into thin air. Now I can finally truly sympathize. Thanks, mom.
- Around what album did Michael Jackson stop looking like a human being? -
Hmmm. Was it when he was shocking the world with his amazing dance moves and back in the early eighties? Or was it when he was setting unbelievable sales records? I’m with Carletta here, MJ is too easy and too popular a target. If you want to talk about someone looking unreal, lets take a glimpse at Cher’s plastic surgery. Her face is stretched so tightly I’m afraid it might rip down the middle.
- Incredibly rich, incredibly untalented -
Damn, I could be writing on this for years. Let me try to keep it short.
Nelly – Can’t rap worth spit. Once his pop hooks fail, he’s over.
The St. Lunatics – Only have a deal because of their association with Nelly. Once he’s over, he’s dragging them down too.
South Park Mexican - Proof that when you’ve got your community behind you, it doesn’t matter how badly you suck.
Big Tymers – Also can’t rap, though Mannie Fresh knows well the formula to a ghetto-pop anthem.
Ja Rule – I hope you go to sleep at night thanking Tupac and DMX and for your career.
Lil’ Bow Wow – Save some money. Don’t you ever ask Jermaine Dupri who those backwards-dressed kids are in the pictures on his office wall?
Incredibly talented, but throwing it all away
Canibus, no doubt. This man is one of the illest spitters of our time, yet his inability to construct a solid album that can overcome industry criticism is all but killing his career.
- Most eagerly anticipated album -
For Hip-Hoppers, there’s only one answer. Van Gogh by Ras Kass. Heads have been waiting for this to drop since last year, but thanks to the tireless efforts of unscrupulous bootleggers, we have been kept waiting for what seems like an eternity. Now with all new tracks being added featuring Dr. Dre, DJ Premier, and many other producers and artists, this is probably one of the most anticipated albums – ok, yes I’m actually going to say it – since Snoop’s debut.
- In the event of my untimely death, please play this at my funeral -
Unquestionably “Rainy Dayz” by Raekwon the Chef. Rae and Blue Raspberry are certainly not my favorite Wu-collaborators, but here they come together beautifully to create a perfectly somber track. Play this and bury me in some Wu-Wallabees.
- On my play list when I'm sad, mad, and glad. -
Sad: I’m not really big into feeling sad, so when I am, I reach for something mellow but uplifting. Usually “I Used to Love H.E.R.” by Common, “Umi Says” by Mos Def, and “Thieves in the Night” by Black Star will suffice.
Mad: No other rap artist makes music to channel unfocused anger better than Public Enemy does. When I’m upset, “Welcome to the Terrordome,” “War at 33 1/3”, “Shut Em Down”, “Fight The Power,” or “Son of a Bush” finds its way into my CD player.
Glad: When I’m glad, it’s good to listen to “feel-good” rap music (yes it exists), so usually I’ll reach for joints by J-Live and Blackalicious. My favorite tracks to play are, “How Real It Is,” “Charmed Life,” “Make You Feel That Way,” and “The Fabulous One.”
- I remember when MTV... -
…used to actually contribute something worthwhile to Hip-Hop. With the passing of MTV’s Yo! MTV Raps producer Ted Demme, it seems appropriate to take a quick look at what MTV’s rap coverage was then, and is today.
Back in the day, I used to rush home from school to see Dre & Ed Lover play a variety of videos from any rap artist with a song and a camera. On Saturdays, I’d wake up extra early, pass on cartoons, and watch Fab 5 Freddy break down the latest happenings on his weekend edition of the show. It wasn’t uncommon to see the videos for “Night of the Living Bassheads,” “Cappuchino,” “My Mind’s Playing Tricks on Me,” and “Express Yourself” all in the same rotation. But importantly, in between videos, there was always relevant Hip-Hop discussion, whether humorously done by Dre and Ed, or more serious insider views offered by Fab 5. Now I tune in MTV and see the same ten pop-rap videos in rotation on the one uber-wack show dedicated to rap Direct Effect,” with absolutely nothing of substance happening in between video plays. But hey, if I switch over to MTV2, they’ll add an extra FIVE videos to the rotation! How weak.
MTV fell off the Hip-Hop wagon big time. And now with the somewhat recent purchase of BET by MTV’s parent company VIACOM, the odds of the rap fan seeing any kind of diversity in rap video airplay anywhere else went from slim to none. Rap City has already gone from being one of the most respected rap video shows with Joe Clair and Big Lez, to being one big joke with Big Tigger. Thanks MTV.
So that does it for sslabs latest write-off. Be sure to visit the entries from these talented non-crashing participants:
factotum - divine_cheese - cntaur5 - redmethodman - sarahknipper - roheblius - pacmanY2J - dustygold - thevoid99 - arielssong - JennJoy - MrReEvolution - kristinafh - shilmafone - lisa_J - petra - jeff_wilder - afterglow34 - christy13 - stairway2drew - tiffer0220 - redsox75 - IleneG - Trulyalive - DrFaustus - tbthorn - curlewis - jenb123 - pearl_drum_man - Arazim - Flamepillar - Alawston - musicepinion - dedemw - kcfoxy - xiphoid - Tigerlily137 - deaser26 - cartman_2k - Ace3502 - Lightnin' - mnehr - mattjoe - repulsemonkey - PianoMam - sumo_rhino
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Epinions.com ID:
madtheory
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Location: Dallas,TX
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About Me:
DON'T CALL IT A COMEB... wait. I guess you actually can call it a comeback.
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