Artificial Insemination: The lesbian method of choice for having a child (or at least mine)
Nov 06 '01 (Updated Dec 14 '01)
The Bottom Line Not everyone has a child the "traditional" way, gays and lesbians want to have families also.
Updated on 12/14/01
Warning: If you are easily offended, extremely religious, or not a fan of “alternative” families, please do not read this. The following is an essay that I am writing out of choice to inform others about Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), or “artificial insemination” (AI) as it is commonly known. I hope that by sharing my story that I can not only educate others, but also inform others that gays and lesbians can have children, they just have to use other methods. Here is my story.
I was adopted when I was six days old. Since I was 22, I have known who my birth family was. I come from a very loving, Catholic family, and was adopted by two wonderful parents. I have two younger sisters, and we are a very close family. I’m not a drug addict, an alcoholic, or mentally unstable. I have never committed a crime, been in jail, or went to prison. I have a good job, own my home, and pay taxes just like everyone else does.
Oh yeah, and I am also a lesbian, with a life partner of six years (who is also a contributing member of society), and we want to have a baby.
There, I said it. I have officially “came out” on Epinions.
My life partner and I have been together for nearly six years, and have always talked about having kids, but it wasn’t until this past summer that we seriously talked about it. Yes, we both realize that they are a lot of work, and that you don’t have a child for just 18 years, you have them for a lifetime. They are expensive to raise, and in this day and age, it can be extremely difficult to raise a child. Not to mention the fact that instead of having a traditional “mom and dad”, they will have a “mom and mom”.
So, after endless discussions, planning, and research, we decided to try to have a baby.
Okay, so now what? - That was my thought also this past July, when we decided that we were going to have a baby. As I was adopted and don’t know much about my family history, it was decided that my partner would carry the baby. She wanted to experience pregnancy, birth, and the “joy of motherhood”. Besides, she has a much higher pain tolerance, so there was no argument from me on this issue.
We decided that we would use a friend of mine as the donor, which he was all for. There was just one problem: his girlfriend. You see, in the beginning, when you are talking about doing AI, everyone is supportive and it is a good idea. However, when you get down to the nitty gritty, and it is time to get the “stuff”, emotions and legal issues get in the way. So, rather than lose a friendship (as both my tentative donor and his girlfriend are my best friends), we chose to go with a cryobank (or “sperm bank” as they are more commonly known).
Research, research, and more research - The first thing we realized was that the internet and the library are great sources of information. Within a few weeks, we contacted a cryobank in, as well as a clinic to do the actual insemination Seattle (if you would like more information on which ones they are, please email me). Yes, it would be more “personable” if we would do the insemination at home, but I can’t even give a perm, so how the heck am I supposed to inseminate someone?
Another plus about using a cryobank, is that the sperm is tested for a number of diseases (including AIDS, hepatitis, etc.), and the donors are screen very thoroughly, with the application being over 15 pages. The downside is the cost, which is $260.00 for one cc of sperm (unwashed is about 100 bucks cheaper).
Before you can even think about an insemination, you must know when you are ovulating so you can actually get pregnant, and this can be done in a number of ways. We chose to use an ovulation predictor kit (OPK), as well as charting temperature (which is taken in the morning), using a basil thermometer. Experts advise “charting” for a few months, to find when you are ovulating, and to do the insemination anywhere from 12 to 24 hours after the ovulation window has started.
More details than you ever wanted to know - Okay, before I continue, I should probably explain some physiology about sperm. Washed sperm is sperm that has been, well, washed. Meaning, it has been “spun”, or cleaned, which rids the semen of by product, dead swimmers and anything else that would not “perform” optimally. The end result is one cc of “clean” sperm that is ready for insemination. I should also add that the sperm that is purchased from cryobanks is frozen, for storage purposes, so that when you are due for an insemination, you call the cryobank and they retrieve your desired donor sperm and thaw it, so it will be ready for pickup.
I must admit that the first time that we picked up the sperm, I was a bit surprised at how small the sample was, as one cc is about the size of a teaspoon. “That’s it?!”, I asked the nurse, “well”, she said, “considering that the uterus is about the size of a lemon, and we guarantee that there are 20 million sperm in the sample, this should be plenty”. She then added, “plus, it only takes one”. Another thing that surprised me was the consistancy of the sample itself. I expected to see a tube of goop-like sperm, when it was actually the consistency of water. This was due to the spinning procedure, which removed the “sticky” stuff. The bottom line: you are getting 100% pure sperm, that is also tested and rated for mobility (ours was a three on a scale of one to four).
Okay, we got the goods, now what? - Let me back up just a bit here. When we first started looking into insemination, we thought that my partner’s regular doctor could do it. However, this was not the case, as many general practitioners are not trained to perform inseminations. So, her doctor suggested that we contact a fertility clinic, which we did. We were shocked at the “mark up” on the prices for a simple intrauterine insemination, and we found out that it was so much more costly as these doctors are truly specialists, that mostly concentrate on fertility problems, rather than basic procedures. Sure, the perform inseminations, but they charge much more. So, after doing a bit of searching, we contacted a womens clinic in Seattle, who specialized in inseminations, OB/GYN treatment, as well as just about any other treatment that a woman may need (and I’ll just leave it at that). Plus, the price was much more affordable than a fertility clinic, and they were located just a few blocks from the cryobank.
So, our next step was the actual insemination procedure, and since the sperm is inserted directly into the uterus (hence the name, intrauterine insemination), it must be done by a medical professional due to possible problems with cramping and infection. Besides, the doctor must use special equipment, none of which is available to the average person.
Now, without getting into too much detail, let me just say this much, when you hear about AI on the TV or in a movie, they leave a lot out. The biggest issue being the fact that it is quite painful. Okay, I don’t actually know how painful, but judging from my partners’ reaction, the only thing worse is probably giving birth. The procedure itself takes about 10 minutes, unless there are problems with the insemination. After the insemination is completed, you are then instructed to elevate your hips and lie down for 20 to 30 minutes, with the idea being that this will give the sperm a “head start” in their journey. My partner also lied down on the way home, as well as the rest of the afternoon (hey, if we can increase our chances by doing this, then so be it).
Let the wait begin - So now, you wait, for 10 to 14 loooooong days, until you either take a pregnancy test or the monthly cycle is started (which would indicate a negative on the pregnancy). You are basically waiting for the hormone, human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) to be detected in the urine shortly after the embryo attaches to the uterine lining. If you are pregnant, great! If not, it’s back to the cryobank in another few weeks for another insemination.
So now, we wait, and there really isn’t much to tell until we have the results of the pregnancy test, which will be in another week.
Wrapping it up - I’m not really sure why I am telling all of you this. Very few of you know me, other than being a member of this community, and none of you have ever met me in real life. I guess what I am trying to do is to let others know about how IUI is actually done and how others who are not in “traditional” relationships or families go about trying to have a child. I really hope that what I have shared with you has caused you to think or learn something that you didn’t know before, as IUI isn’t something that is done everyday. Plus, it is not often that gays or lesbians are so open about this, so I figured I would share my story with others.
Thanks to the recent changes here on Epinions, (due most in part, in my belief, by the EBD write off participants), I will update this essay when I know more information. Heck, I might even write a “20 questions” essay about some of the weird questions that myself and my partner have been asked over the past few months (and let me tell you, there are some real doozies).
I would especially like to thank the following members for their support, kindness, and friendship: John (bruguru), Pamela (pbyaeger), Tom (4-1-1) and the other Pamela (phineaskc). These Epinions members have always treated me with the utmost kindness and respect and owe them a great deal for their support.
So, thanks for reading, especially this time. :)
Note - Please feel free to leave comments or email me if you wish. I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have or provide any additional information on this issue.
11/15/01 Update: My partner took a blood test at her doctor's office earlier today, after being four days "late" and testing negative four times using home pregnancy tests . The blood test also turned out negative, which is a sure indication, as some home pregnancy tests are not 100% accurate, because they may not be able to detect enough of the hCG hormone to render a positive result. So, we are hopeful that the "third time is the charm", and I promise to keep you posted!
12/14/01 Update: After missing the ovulation window in November due to misreading the ovulation test stick, we obviously missed our "window of opportunity" for an insemination. So, we are going to the "high tech" method, and using an Ovulation Monitor, which more accurately indicates when exactly you are ovulating and at what range. Hopefully, this method will be much more effective than those darn sticks, which are about as reliable as trying to line up planets. So basically, we took a month off, which is fine with me, as I am a bit burned out on the question, "so... how is IT going?". Well, I'll be sure to let everyone know how "IT" is going, when I have some more news. As always, I welcome any comments you have or you can email me.
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Epinions.com ID:
gerper
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Member: gerper
Location: Seattle
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About Me:
After seven years, I'm back...
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